The Four W’s

Lately I realized that most of my emotions or reactions to things can be encapsulated in words that begin with W. Namely, four particular words:

1. Whoa

Sometimes this is a good ‘whoa’ and sometimes it’s a bad ‘whoa.’ The tone and volume change, but undeniably it’s always a ‘whoa.’ When surprising new developments happen, when people talk about conspiracy theories, when ‘shit’s gettin’ real’, when I recieve epiphanies in the unlikeliest places– that’s the whoa. It usually expresses surprise+fascination+fear. 

2. Whatever

I think ‘whatever’ is a brilliantly powerful word. ‘Whatever’ drifts across my brain a hundred times a day because sometimes there are really little things you shouldn’t bother yourself about. They get in the way of your biggers goals if you let them, and I shrug these things off with ‘whatever,’ usually accompanied by a mental eye roll. When circumstances make things seem impossible, when people tell you things you don’t want to believe, when you screw up– that’s ‘whatever.’ Brush it off, move on. Also known as ‘meh…’

3. Wait

It’s hard not to judge things by how they look at first, that’s why I keep telling myself to ‘wait.’ I try to keep myself open for the best that could happen or the worst that could happen. Bottom line is, I wait until something (or my perception toward something) changes. When you meet people who at first seem difficult to be around, when an idea strikes that at first seems like the ‘best idea ever’, when you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation you think you’ll regret, that’s when I say ‘wait.’ You never know. Similarly, I use ‘wait’ to mentally prepare myself for the opportunity to do something or a split second to think about what I want or what needs to be done. ‘Wait’ for me is not passively sitting down and expecting something to happen without effort; it is the tensing of muscles before sparring, the arch of a cat’s back before it jumps, the coil of a snake before it springs. 

4. Wow

‘Wow’ is always present in my life, as I’m naturally an easily impressed person, but I’ve also grown into a person who’s learned not to have too many expectations (see ‘wait’.) However, life seems to surprise you anyway. Random acts of kindness, a view of a lovely day, a stroke of good fortune, genuine praise from family and friends especially when you weren’t even trying– that’s always the ‘wow’ for me. 

Shall I Chase Down Inspiration

Shall I chase down inspiration?

Hound her breathless through the trees?

Grab her roughly by the hair and then

Spin her round me as I please? 

Shall I lure her forth with presents,

Or a trail of sugared sweets?

Until cautiously she comes creeping out

And my traps snap at her feet?

Maybe one day I’ll go fishing,

Cast my line into the lake,

And then wait there, oh so quietly,

For her to take my bait.

Perhaps she’ll be slow and sluggish,

All the better for me to snare,

Or perhaps catching her is easier

Than keeping her in my care

Or perhaps, when I am sleeping,

In the dead of night she’ll come,

She will hover in my dreamings

Then fade away with the morning sun

Sab Talks About Jesus

Jesus saves.

Or so they say.

But I don’t think it was ever that simple.

I think what should be said is:

Jesus taught us how to save ourselves by reminding us how to love

some people just forgot I guess

now they’re running around looking for
the god they can’t see in other people

For Tito Joe…

This coming Monday, I will have been in New South Wales, Australia for exactly a month. And in the past few weeks, because of all the new places and experiences that come with moving out of the country, I find myself having to be selective about the things I want to remember about home. How I want to remember the things at home. 

Some things and some people will always be a part of your memory, always cherished, because of how much they meant to you. My godmother’s family are a few of those important people. Last night, her father, my Tito Joe, passed away after being hospitalized for nearly a week. 
My godmother’s family has always been there for mine, especially during my own grandmother’s hospitalization. So at this time when I cannot be physically there for them, I will instead remember Tito Joe, who was funny and warm and kind. Who I didn’t know very well, but who will always stick in my memory and be part of my heart because of his endearing presence whenever our family got together. Who told me to make sure to visit him and his wife if I ever came back to the Philippines, and who I assured that of course, I would.

To his spirit, and to the family he leaves behind, I send peace and love, and many thanks for having known him in our lives.

Tito Joe (seated) holding Baby!Sab, with Mom behind him and Ninang Sharon (my favorite godmother) standing on the right.