Years Later

And 12 years later I still don’t think I know the whole of who you are,
But to ask that much from you
Would be to ask too much.
I know what I see. And I love what I know.

4 years later I’m still doodling in class, I’m still losing my eraser
4 years later and the person who walked into the freshman classroom is not the same person who left the senior classroom
4 years later–you still haven’t broken me.

4 years ago I looked at the remnants of our fellowship and I thought,
‘This is it,
These are the ones who’ll stick together
Even four years later.’

And maybe we’re understanding each other,
Maybe now you listen to me
Maybe I’ve accepted you
Maybe we’re only strong together

And I wish you’d realize how good you are
And I wish you wouldn’t ruin yourself trying to be what you’re not
And I wish you’d tell me what you want
And baby I wish you’d look after yourself
And I wish you would just–stop

12 years later I learned I can’t think only of myself
12 years later I think you’ve taught me well
12 years later and I don’t care if you forget us
Because in the future, we’ll be everywhere you look

12 years later I’m a seasoned warrior,
Fighter,
Dragon-tamer
12 years later we’re on our way to finding the Grail

12 years later we know that the saying
‘live with no regrets’
Is impossible
You never know what comes
You never know what goes
You never know what to choose
You never learn
And it never ends
Because you never talk about how you fail

And maybe I’ve forgiven, but I can never forget
And I would apologize, but maybe you’ve forgotten what I should be apologizing for
And I wish I had the courage to say ‘are you okay?’
And I wish I had been kinder

Cause maybe you’re more than you realize
And maybe you’re above cheap pleasure, above causeless rebellion
Above stifling apathy, poisonous jealousy, catatonic fear
Maybe you’re above your own expectations
I know you are

And I’m glad now I can breathe
And I’m glad now I don’t have to walk on shattered glass
And I’m glad the chains have broken knots have untied strings have loosened
But every bond leaves a mark on your wrist
Like it or not
We are branded for life

(They tell us
You can choose your friends
But not your family)

Well I never asked for this
I never expected it
This was not my idea
It just happened

But I needed it
And I ended up loving it
And if I didn’t choose it
Then they must be my family

Because 12 years later we have become who we want to be
Because 12 years later you became a part of me
Because 12 years later I know we turned out okay no matter what they say

And this place
This isn’t where we belong
It’s just a pit stop
And you’ll never find out where you’re meant to be
If you don’t look

Next year everything will be different

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